


Incorrect Bounty Hunter Quotes

by Callie_Girl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Incorrect Quotes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:32:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callie_Girl/pseuds/Callie_Girl
Summary: Bounty hunters is incorrect quotes





	1. 1

Bane; *points at broken coffee maker* Who broke it?  
Sugi; I did it.  
Bane; No you didn’t. Eval?  
Eval; What?! Don’t look at me, look at Gantu!  
Gantu; What?! I didn’t break it!  
Eval; Then how did you even know it was broken?  
Gantu; because it’s sitting right in front of us.  
Eval; Suspicious.  
Boba; I don’t know if it matters or not, but Rumi was the last one to use it.  
Rumi; Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!  
Boba; Then what were you doing over by it earlier?  
Rumi; ExCuSe ME-  
Sugi; Bane, I broke it.  
Bossk; You know who’s been really quiet? Embo.  
Embo; REALLY?!  
Bossk; Yeah, reallY!

In another room.

Bane; I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.  
Bane; I calculate they’ll be at each other’s throats with war paint and a Jedi head on a stick. Things were getting too chummy around here.

 

Killer; I can see you.  
Bane; How do I look?


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Cad Bane and Embo would have a bit of a rivalry, and Sugi would back Embo up because she's his friend.

Latts; Okay, we need to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?  
Sugi and Embo; Cad Bane.

Jango; do you think I can fir fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?  
Embo; You're a fucking hazard to society.  
Durge; and a coward. Do twenty.

Cad Bane; I'm not that dramatic.  
Latts; Uh-huh? Once, when I asked you why you were wearing a bejewelled tiara, you quoted the entirety of Shakespeare's "The World's A Stage," and then broke down sobbing. And the scariest part?  
Latts; you were sober.

Latts; Once you've hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up!  
Sugi; You underestimate me. I've bought my pickaxe and I'm prepared to dig.

Boba; I think you're just being nice.  
Bane; if you ask around you'll find out that's pretty unlikely.

Latts; There are no straight women. Only women who haven't met me.

Bane; What a lovely place. Smells like a garbage dump.  
Embo; I'm sorry I couldn't find a better place to crash land. Would you like me to try again?

Sugi; There's nothing wrong with lying to females. Or to the government. Or your parents. Or God.

Bane, to Boba Fett's syndicate; Hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me?

Embo; everyone is probably about to look at me, but have you ever wanted to backhand slap someone and say "You dense motherfucker"  
Everyone; *looks at Bane*  
Embo; Wow.


	3. 3

Latts; What time is it?  
Sugi; I don't know. Pass me the saxophone.  
Sugi; *plays the saxophone loudly*  
Bane; WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT 2 AM?!  
Sugi; It's two am.

Latts; I wasn't sure what chocolate to buy, so I got all of them.  
Sugi; There are like... 300 boxes here.  
Latts; VALENTINES DAY IS VERY STRESSFUL, OKAY?

Durge; Bane, why are you making that face? Is the caf bad or something?  
Bane; Embo put salt in my caf as revenge but I'm gonna drink it because I'm petty and refuse to let him win.

Sugi; Listen here, you little shits.  
Sugi; Not you, Marrok. You're an angel and we're glad you're here.

Criminal; We have your daughter.  
Sugi; I don't have a daughter.  
Criminal; Then who just asked for us to cut the crusts off her sandwich and a bendy straw for her chocolate milk?  
Sugi; Dear god... you have Latts.

Bane; have you ever wanted to put your hands on someone's cheeks and look deep into their eyes then carefully jerk their head to the right and snap their neck.  
Jango; That took an unexpected turn.  
Embo; so did their neck.


	4. 4

Eval; Kill yourself  
Hardeen; Kill me yourself, you coward

Sugi; There is one thing in this universe that has reached maximum gay.  
Durge; Impossible. Name one person who couldn’t be gayer.  
Embo; Bane.  
Boba; Bane.  
Latts; Bane.  
Kierra Swan; Bane  
Marrok; Bane.  
Jango Fett; *pokes head up from grave* Bane.  
Bane; Bane.

Sugi; Love is in the air!  
Embo, holding shirt over his mask and spraying Lysol; Not anymore it ain’t!

Embo; Latts, pass the salt.  
Latts; *picks up Bane*

Embo; Why did the chicken cross the road?  
Durge; why?  
Embo; To get to the idiots house.  
Embo; Knock knock.  
Durge; who’s there?  
Embo; The chicken.  
Durge; Listen here you Kyuzo fucker-

Embo; Aren’t you sugar, spice and everything nice?  
Durge; well aren’t you rudeness, sarcasm and…  
Embo; No no, find something that rhymes with sarcasm and fits, and I’ll leave right now.

Embo; Hello, people who do not live here.  
Sugi; Hey.  
Bane; Hi.  
Boba; Hello.  
Latts; Sup?  
Embo; I gave you the key for emergencies.  
Sugi; we’re out of doritos.

Boba; *taking a shower*  
Bane; *opens curtain* Hey- stop screaming, it’s me- do we have any cheetos?

 

Embo; For the mission, you and I are married.  
Sugi; We are NOT married!  
Embo; Relax, it’s just for the mission.  
Sugi; I don’t wanna pretend.  
Embo; Scared you’ll like it?  
Sugi; If we’re married, I want a divorce.  
Durge; Are they always like this?  
Bane; yes they are.


	5. 5

Latts; Help I did something terrible!  
Sugi; It’s okay, I have a shovel!  
Latts; what? What do you think I did?  
Sugi; it doesn’t matter, no one else will ever know.

Durge; let’s get this straight-  
Latts and Bane; yeah, we don’t do straight.

Intelligence has left the chat  
-Embo, leaving the room

Someone just said to my face “not everything has to be about lesbian biceps” the fucking AUDACITY-  
-Latts Razzi

If spiders were the size of cats, would they be less scary or more scary? On the one hand, they wouldn’t get into your house easily. But on the other hand, once they’re in there, ohhhhhh boy. Oh boy.  
\- Latts Razzi

Sugi; *screeching*  
Latts; what the fuck are you doing?  
Sugi; screaming into the void.  
Both; *screeching*  
Embo; guys it’s three am.

Sugi; Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cosy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you’re going to die.  
Latts; My favourite is “butt dial” vs “booty call”.  
Embo; it’s called connotation.  
Bane; Also, “forgive me, father, I have sinned,” vs “sorry daddy, I’ve been naughty”.  
Embo; Great news, Basic is now cancelled!

Sugi; There’s probably a Kyuzo compound word for that feeling you get at 2am when you’re single in mid-twenties and the creeping doubt that you’ve somehow missed your only chance at love because you didn’t meet someone in college and now it’s too late.  
Embo; The Kyuzo word you are looking for is ‘Torschlusspanik’.  
Embo; Torschlusspanik: “gate-closing panic”; a sense of anxiety or fear caused by the feeling that life’s opportunities are passing by and diminishing as one ages.  
Sugi; Phatrong has a fucking word for everything.  
Latts; Kyuzo is a dictionary of obscure sorrows.  
Embo; Phatrong is a place of obscure sorrows.

Embo; Sugi, get up! The sun is up!  
Sugi; What do you expect me to do? Photosynthesis?

Latts; I wish you would admit it when you make a mistake.  
Sugi, drinking her caf; I LIKE it with salt.

I’m not trying to be inconsiderate, the inconsideration is just a byproduct. I’m just so skilled at it.  
\- Cad Bane

Sugi; how did you get in here?  
Latts; let’s just say that Samantha at the front desk is no longer into men.

You know, people always say that violence solves nothing, but that's just because they don’t want you to shoot them.  
\- Cad Bane

Sugi; I am the Lorax, I speak for the tree!  
Embo; *grumbles in Kyuzoni*  
Sugi; The tree says fuck off!

Sometimes the job was just too much. Sometimes, after Embo had finished whatever was needed and collected the bounty, he was numb. On nights like this, he knocked on Sugi’s door. Onetwo… threefour. Their secret knock.  
Sugi would always wake up and let him in, guiding him to sit on the bed. On extremely bad days he would break down, abandoning the stoic act he kept up. Most times, however, he just stayed silent. She would hug him and coax him to lay down, then sing in Irdonian until he fell asleep. They always talked about it in the morning, when he felt better.  
If it weren’t for her, he wasn’t sure he’d survive.

Bane; I’m playing a game. It’s called “I take a shot every time I feel depressed.”  
Sugi; that game exists and it’s called alcoholism.

Embo; so, when I chased that Clovis guy off of Sireno and kind of fought Skywalker, people kept asking me if I had short-term memory loss, because I had just worked with him a little while ago.  
Embo; You see, I actually remembered that. I just didn’t care.

Latts; So, I’m going to grab a healthy breakfast.  
Sugi; Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll up?  
Latts; Breakfast Burrito, but yeah.  
Sugi; I pity your dentist.  
Latts; Joke’s on you, I don’t have a dentist.

Jango; What’s your biggest weakness?  
Embo; I can be uncooperative.  
Jango; give me an example.  
Embo; no.

Boba; Just so we’re on the same page how long have you been here? I.e. how elaborate does my lie need to be?  
Sugi; an hour.  
Boba; The Jedi named Yoda contacted me-  
Sugi; BOBA!

Sugi; I sent Latts to meet him.  
Boba; what did you tell her to do?  
Sugi; be herself.  
Boba; She’s going to kill him.

You think that disapproving glare works on me after all the times I’ve seen it? Step it up, find something new.  
\- Boba, to Sugi.

Embo; we need to do what the Jedi ordered.  
Sugi; why do that when we could just pick them up and throw them out the window?

Sugi; I should drive.  
Embo; why?  
Sugi; I have nothing left to live for and I drive like it.

Latts; You look like a corpse that was pulled out of the lake.  
Cad Bane; Wrong. I look like a cool rockstar who OD’d in his own pool.

Embo; danger is my middle name.  
Cad Bane; false. Your middle name is cutie-pie

Serapis; I have the day off, I can step in and help.  
Sugi; Yeah, me too, I’m not off but I come and go as I please. It’s part of my charm. I’m like an outdoor cat.

Embo; You can’t go undercover, you’re not a cop.  
Sugi; How am I not a cop, Em? Cause I don’t have a badge? Being a cop is a state of mind.

I’m not a successful adult! I don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself  
\- Sugi

I like getting older, I feel like I’m finally ageing into my personality  
\- Cad Bane

Latts; I’m sure deep down you have a soft side too.  
Cad Bane; Nothing in here but a cold dark empty soul.

Oh for god’s sake. She’s on her own for two days and she joins a gang  
\- Sugi, about her disaster girlfriend

Jango; Boba was supposed to do a paper on why government matters. This is what he wrote.  
Sugi; “It doesn’t.” Well said

Bane; in my defense, I was left unsupervised.  
Embo and Sugi; Um, no you kriffing weren’t.

Bane; being gay isn’t a choice.  
Bane; *grabs Embo’s hand* It’s a game and I’m winning.

Bane; I’m what the kids call “cool”  
Embo; No, you’re what the kids call “high off his ass and tripping on his own feet every three seconds”

“Listen up 5s, a 10 is speaking”  
\- Latts Razzi

Oh, what? So only roosters are allowed to start the day with screaming?  
\- Sugi

Embo; You have no idea what I’m capable of!  
Sugi; Hon, don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.

Me; I ship latts razzi/sugi.  
Person; I though you shipped embo/sugi?  
Me; I do.  
Person; didn’t you also say you shipped cad bane/embo?  
Me; oh yeah.  
Person; and cad bane/jango fett?  
Me; Chaotic space dads.  
Person; B-but you also said you liked jango fett/embo??  
Me; Yep.  
Person; how?

Sugi, who has consumed enough caffeine to kill three banthas; *running around* WheRe Is The SaCRIficiAL LAMB?

Embo; *eating a cinamon roll*  
Sugi; *gasps* Canabalism!  
Embo; *stares into camera like he’s on the office.*

Sugi; DISHONOUR! Dishonour on your whole family!  
Sugi; Dishonour on YOU!  
Sugi; *points at Marrok* Dishonour on your COW!  
Embo; How high are you?

Somebody should do something. Oh wait, it’s me! I should do something!  
-Embo.

Jedi; I just need you to stay calm okay?  
Sugi; I’m just gonna stay angry, I find that relaxes me.

Fishing relaxes me, it’s like yoga except I still get to kill something.  
\- Cad Bane

I can’t go because I don’t want to.  
\- Cad Bane

Embo; This will pass. She’ll eventually just burn herself out.  
Sugi; That’s what you think! I am an eternal flame, baby!

Latts; I could strangle you.  
Embo; you’re too short.  
Latts; you’ve sunk low enough for me to reach

Sugi; When’s your birthday?  
Cad Bane; Why so you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?

Sugi; You can’t expect me to stab somebody on an empty stomach.  
Embo; I’d prefer you didn’t stab anyone at all.

Latts; You wanna get the door?  
Embo; And interact with people? No thanks.

Latts; The humanoid body is 70% water. So we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety.  
Sugi; Excuse you, with the amount of salt and scotch I consume, I’m more like an anxiety pickle.

Sugi; Contrary to popular belief, decapitation is not that easy.  
Embo; You don’t often hear “popular” and “decapitation” in the same sentence.

Latts Razzi had her triggers. You couldn’t be a bounty hunter for so long without them. Most did. Latts had a few bad ones. When one of those happened, or one of the words was said, she could normally keep it together long enough to seek comfort from Sugi. More often than not she would scream. Bury her face in Sugi’s chest and scream out the emotions roiling inside her. Sugi normally ran her fingers up and down Latts’ spine, a simple gesture that was a favourite of her Theelin girlfriend.   
When Latts finally cried herself into a coma of exhaustion, Sugi would carry her back to the bed, holding her close all night, sleeping lightly in case any nightmares reared their ugly heads.

Imagine;  
Embo herding the other bounty hunters like a stressed out, single mom.

Cad Bane; Hi, I’m Bane and I’ve never let anyone out-dumbass me in my life and I don’t intend to start now.  
Sugi; Hi, I’m Sugi and I threw a knife at two force-wielders.  
Latts; Hi, I’m Latts and most of my plans involve flirting with the enemy.  
Embo; Hi, I’m the only goddamn adult here.

“What do you mean, circle doesn’t start with the letter S?”  
\- Embo vs Basic

Bane; heads I win, tails you lose.  
Bane; *flips coin*  
Coin; *heads*  
Bane; I win.  
Embo; Fine.  
Two hours later;  
Embo, storming over to Cad Bane in the middle of a mission; “HEADS I WIN, TAILS YOU LOSE?!!??!!”

Sugi; Embo is a tough, scary guy.  
Cad Bane; I watched him organize his sock drawer this morning. He was upset when he couldn’t find his favourite pair. They were in the wrong spot. He called himself ‘absolutely silly’ for not realizing.

Embo; *calls Sugi*  
Sugi; what happened? Is your sister okay?  
Embo; the… the baby… it’s so tiny.  
Sugi; … okay?  
Embo; I found it sleeping on top of an empty cereal box! It didn’t even dent the box! Like a newborn anooba! The tiniest anooba puppy!


End file.
